In marriage, daily rituals give us a place to start and extend grace, celebrating connection and presence. If you follow me on Facebook, you will know that for Katie and me, one of those rituals is morning tea.
I’m a social drinker when it comes to coffee, having a cup with friends now and then if that’s what you are having, but most days Katie and I share a pot of tea. Or more than one. It’s part of our identity, and it’s part of our love, the long pause before the day’s work.
Over 20 years ago, we discovered that tea helped us slow down, which is exactly what we needed. The whole process—measuring and filtering and waiting—is a metaphor for the intentionality of marriage itself.
We seldom order tea when we are out, although Katie carries her own tea and the pot when we travel. We’re quite particular about the tea we drink, with a preference for estate teas from Darjeeling. We’re also exploring more teas from Nepal, which are grown at similar altitudes and climates.
Darjeeling means land of thunder, and the monsoons are part of the mix. The cool climate, misty air, high altitude, and rich soil create a distinctive environment that gives these teas their distinctive flavor profile— a grape-like, fruity, slightly floral taste. And the spring harvest, called first flush, has a slight astringency, kind of a dry puckering sensation that results from slow growth at high altitudes and the increased concentration of polyphenols.
At this point, I’ve become nerdy, so I won’t get into the difference between clonal and
chinary teas, but I will say we usually have an everyday Darjeeling and a weekend or holiday tea, currently a spring clonal from the Upper Namring Estate in the Teesta Valley. It’s light and crisp, perfect for when you have a little more time to linger over a pot.
And lingering is the key aspect of any meaningful ritual of love. Time together is the gift tea gives us, shared intimate moments on the porch before sunrise or by the kitchen window as autumn and winter deepen.
We talk about what we are reading, and we talk about what we are doing. And sometimes we don’t talk at all, but even then what we are saying to each other is “You matter. And I’m here with you.” I think we all have to find ways to say this.
If you are married, what works for you? What rituals enrich your love?
And if you are a tea drinker, what do you like? And when can we drink it together?
the daysman 
This time of year, my daughters & I are enjoying herbal teas from our Hibiscus & Rose of Sharon plants. My 4 year old just discovered how wonderful mint tea is–especially when I let her share it with me in my tiny tea set I brought home from a back packing trip to Morocco!