because motives matter
We cherish and nurture our own body—yet in marriage we become one flesh. We take care of ourselves. We look out for ourselves. And in marriage men learn better than anywhere else to love someone else, to look after her interests, to be thoughtful and careful and kind.
Marriage is a covenant, not a compromise between drapes and blinds, or white walls and eggplant colored throws. It is not about the art; it’s about the heart.
The "miraculous in the common" here is that no effort or words were needed to know we were deeply blessed and greatly loved.
A covenant is more than a contract. It does not protect our interests, as a contract does. It surrenders them. You come here to surrender yourself to the interests of each other, and you do this by making an oath. There is no mingling of blood, but a mingling of purpose as God himself makes you one flesh.
There are two extremes to be avoided. Don't be an abusive and aggressive husband who says no for the sake of saying no. And don't be a disengaged, passive husband who can’t say no at all.
the daysman 